Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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