Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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