i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
