I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
