Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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