i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
