I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
