I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
