You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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