My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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