yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
