After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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