I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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