i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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