Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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