And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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