I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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