The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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