do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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