break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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