the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
