Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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