Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
