If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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