She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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