There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
this hospital has no fireball
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize