I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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