I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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