do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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