Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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