i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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