Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
