dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize