Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
