Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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