Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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