He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
