I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
