I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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