How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
