You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
