yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
