My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize