she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's always time for handjobs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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