Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
