apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
