I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
