dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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