If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
