you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
