i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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