the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
