Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
