I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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