I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
