im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
