I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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