I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
