next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
