no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
