You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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