what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
