a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
