yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
