I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
