Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
