Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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