"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
