I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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