Only a mothe r could love this liver
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize