We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
