How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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