just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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