Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
