Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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