Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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