he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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