god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
