i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
