my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
