I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
