I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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