i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
