Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This show inspires me to have sex in space
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
