I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You took a bar mat shot.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
