I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
