You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize