So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
