my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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