If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
