He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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