Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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