just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
