I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
