I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
