i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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