I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I CAN MOONWALK!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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