Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
