I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
